Friday, March 21, 2008

Rant Time

I'd like to welcome our faithful readers (all three - thanks mom!) to a new and maybe recurring segment: Rant Time - where I bitch about things that piss me off. Let's start this off on the right foot:

John McCain
Now, let's be honest - I'm not what you'd call Liberal (in honor of the border-fence initiative I've erected a barbwire fence around my kitchen - ain't no Mexicans getting out!), but the idea of John McCain as president makes me quiver like a child after watching that Pee Wee Herman movie (damn Large Marge scared the shit out of m--- er, most kids). And it's not cause he's old, out of touch with reality, been a career politician, schemed with Huckabee to run Romney out the race because he's a bigoted bastard - it's because HIS ARMS ARE TOO DAMN SHORT!!!

Have you seen those stumpy bastards? He flails them around like road cones glued to his shoulders. Gah! It reminds me of when Kermit the frog yells and shakes around, except I can't find those wires they attach to John's wrists. I bet you he has them attached to his pants so he can reach down to pull them up after crapping on our country.

That I have to Vote for McCain
Okay, so 'witty' rantings aside - the big issue this year is the economy. Politicians love to harp the War on Iraq - but it's almost inconsequential when you examine the most pressing issues threatening the country today.

Essentially, of the two plans I've heard (McCain and Obama), McCain's is the only one that won't plunge the economy further into a recession/inflation/stagflationary state that it's already in. That happens - say goodbye to prosperity for quite a few years people. No more Super-Sizing them Big Macs for about five years.

Tangent: It's 1979 - Carter has just screwed up the country. Gas prices are at record highs - inflation is out of control - and the economy is in the toilet. From a monetary policy point of view - what do you do? Battle Inflation (by raising interest rates) or battle the recession (by lowering rates)? Either way, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. What did the FED do? Raise interest rates sky high. From a Fiscal policy - you're Regan, coming into this heap of monkey crap - what do you do? You cut away any programs that are large expenditures for no good reason - Gov spending does not dictate the economy, but it has an impact.

And it worked. It took a few years, but the economy got under control and became quite prosperous (and paved the way for the great 90s).

Welcome to today. Similar conditions, eh? What can you expect the FED to do? Raise rates. Very soon. Bernanke is not dumb - he's much smarter than Greenspan if you really look at it. What do we need a politician to do? Cut programs and buckle down.

What is McCain's plan - cut taxes. What is Barrack Hussien Jong Il Putin Obama's plan? Raise taxes and increase government spending. Hmmm.... Is it really that difficult to figure out, people? "Change" does not mean "plunge the country into the toilet" - it means fixing what is wrong.

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by PETA. Remember to have your dogs and cats spayed and neutered!

Sadie loves mommy - but is frightened by that last statement...

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Killer Mac and Cheese Recipie

So a friend of the blog, we'll call her "Chi-chi McIpod," has been bugging to actually update something once and a while - and were it not for that damn thing called work (or, as I like to call it "Hell with Joel Madden" (which is much worse than just normal Hell, like three or four levels)), I'd be blogging everyday. As it stands, I barely have the creative energy to make witty barbs about obscure actors like Will Friedle to passerbyers.

But, something incredible happened the other week and I must share. It's what I like to call:

Boo's Cheese and Mac Recipe.

So, friend of the Blog Brittany made me some Mac and Cheese the other week. Now, granted, the standard recipe for the dish is pretty easy. Add noodles, water, milk, and cheese by-product powder into a dish and heat.

Well, Brittany is no common mortal, no, no. She decided to pull an Emeril and go nuts on this bad boy. Check this bitch out:

Step one: Boil water
Step two: Add Noodles
Step three: Drain water
Step four: Add milk and butter
(and here's the real kicker)
Step five: And TWO (you heard me, two) packets of cheese mix

See, why cook 1 part cheese, 1 part noodle, when you could do 2 part cheese, 1 part noodle?

The results:

Wow. Words can't be formed (cause I'm choking on the cheesiness). A dish that is so sludgy with cheese, it would make Chester Cheetah gag. Powerful stuff. I couldn't wash it down with draino.

So, the next time you're in a mood for something new - try this bad boy out and watch in enjoyment as people cringe and pee themselves.

Until then!

Sadie loves mommy!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Sundance Wrap Up

For those out there in the inter web, one night can also mean 6 weeks - and no one will know. Just like the time that I switched out Gatorade at the local gym for a bottle of my own urine.

Vomiting on exercise equipment aside (that old lady will never forgive me), here's how the rest of my movie watching ended up:

Thursday night: Birds of America
Okay, so I picked this movie not cause it sounded great (of course, the Sundance blurb writer could make a Hilary Duff movie sound like Pi), but because Matthew Perry, Hilary Swank, Lauren Graham, and Ben Foster starred in this movie (and I got tickets to the premiere).

So, here's the basics - two ominous signs of doom keyed me off as an alpha and omega (for those of us non-fraternity people (or those who were too pissed to remember those six years of community college) that means Beginning and End).

One - when the Academy Award winning stars (not to mentioned that some of them PRODUCED the movie) don't even show at the premiere - the movie might be a piece of crap.

Second, and keeping in line - when the "climax" of the said piece of crap involves the main character dropping trow and taking a fat dump on his neighbor's lawn - you know you're not exactly watching Citizen Kane.

Yeah, no need to say more. Moving on. (Grade: D-)

The Last Word:
Wes Bentley plays a poet who earns a living writing amazing suicide notes for people who are considering the end-all, be-all option. Ray Romano (hilarious, dry, and depressed) plays his latest client. Winonna Ryder plays the sister of a previous client (meaning: he killed himself).

Idea is great, the execution is pretty decent. Though it didn't hit on all cylinders, it was funny and tragic and most of what is promised. And I loved the end. I'd see it again. (Grade: B-).

And the last movie I drug myself to see (note to self: don't try to see more movies that come out in a month in just under 8 days) was, you know, screw it, I'm not even going to give out the name, cause it'll never make it over here and no one will see it.

Basically, the name was an inappropriate term that I thought was a play on words or a double entrandre, which, no, it wasn't. It was a blatant illustration. Yeah, at the promise of a horror movie, it turned into porn and I left disgusted. I won't even make a "Me like porn" joke that would be oh so typical of me - this movie just pissed me off. "Art" my ass - this was crap (and not the funny uncomfortable crap that was Matthew Perry on Hilary Swank's lawn).

But - to make up for - the cinema gods smiled on me. On Sunday I flew out to NY for a secret spy meeting - oops, wasn't supposed to say anything. Why does this damn typewriter have no white-out!!! Gah!!

Anyways, on the flight I sat next to a Producer for ABC who was watching Sundance films on DVD in order to give a recap for his show. So, I so kindly leaned over and watched an entire movie over his shoulder (which I'm sure he enjoyed in the oh so close confines of a spacious coach flight). The movie was The Wave

It's a German film about a gym teacher who, while trying to get his students to understand fascism (which, they being German (think: Indiana Jones), think they know all about) gets them to form their own little club. Which turns into a clique. Which turns into a Gang. Which turns into an Army. The movie is shocking and scary and realistic. It does an amazing job of showing how quickly mindsets can be swayed and spiral out of control.

This was a powerful movie that I saw over a guy's shoulder on a plane. Imagine how it would be in an actual theatre. See this movie. (Grade: A)

And, there you go - it's still January (the end). The Oscars haven't happened yet - John McCain didn't ruin the Republican party's chance at re-election - the Stock market hasn't gone into the toilet - and Pauly Shore hasn't been shot yet - whoops! That hasn't happened yet. 

damn Delorean gets me into trouble everytime...