Friday, December 21, 2007

The Long-Awaited Redress

Hello, loyal devotees of Sadie Loves Mommy. Might I first start off by humbly apologizing for the lack of entries over the past week. As you are aware, we started off with a bang and a flourish of posts - which unexpectedly screeched to a halt (like it was hit with a cold spoon). Circumstances arose in the lives of the posters that caused this breach of etiquette. They were as follows:

1) That damn new Dark Knight trailer hit. Holy Shizzle - have you seen this thing? How many of you (with me) scoffed (and quite possibly giggled) when Heath "Brokeass Mountain" Ledger was cast as the Joker? Are we all choking on humble Shepard's pie now? Man oh man alive - were we ever wrong. If you haven't seen the trailer yet (which is all Jake - er - Joker), check it out. It's creepy. Just the Joker sitting alone in his prison cell is enough to make your skin crawl and stomach churn (and not in the way the last Ledger movie did). Ooh, yeah, we've been addicted to this trailer ever since it hit last week. Haven't been able to make it back to the blog. Go Chris Nolan!

2) Global Warming (see previous post).

3) Blizzards. While this reason seem to contradict the previous reason (or might I say "excuse") - it's been snowing like a sonuvabitch here in Sadieville. I wish Global Warming was real instead of an aerosol-induced Al Gore hallucination (and accompanying PR campaign). It's freezing! And storming up a storm (if that term can overcome its inherent, cyclical impossibilities)! I'm standing outside with hairspray and paint cans, spraying them into the sky. To quote Drew Carrey, "F*** the grandkids, I'm cold NOW!"

4) Midgets. 'Nuff said.

5) A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. Now, seriously, you can't get much more white trash than watching a "reality" show about a huge group of guys AND girls try to win the love of a (albeit) beautiful bisexual? But why do I find myself glued to this show every time I come across MTV (and it is literally playing 24/7 on that channel - they should rename that station WoSRTV (Waste of Space Retard TV because they only play programs for Waste of Space Retards - and yet I find myself watching... hmmm.... just had a moment of self-discovery.... oh well, it's over))? (Wow that was a lot of digressions for one thought - possibly a new for the blog) Anyways - I have to watch five minutes every time I see it (five minutes because that's how long it takes for my small intelligence quota to overcome my huge pop-culture whore quota and get me to change the channel). Not that I know any of the characters or frankly care - but it's hilarious how all the show is are contestants making out with Tila. Girl's going to end up with some sort of disease before the season is out. Then season two could be Win a Shot of Penicillin with Tila Tequila.

And we'd still watch.

6) The Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual Sale. Does any other sign in the world cause as much mental distraction as "Bras and Panties Half Off." I'm just saying.

7) Coming up with this comprehensive list of excuses-er-reasons why the blog entries have been delayed.

So, there we have it. And guess what? Christmas is coming, so there might be more delays, but I promise to return with a bang. We've got some powerful, adventuresome stories to tell. Stories to excite. Stories to impress. Stories to touch.

That's really what we aim for here at Saide Loves Mommy - to touch people.

People of age ( no one needs another Michael Jackson or (to a lesser extent) Casey Aldridge).

Thank you.

...and sadie loves mommy.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Sadie's new friends

Sadie has two new best friends, Brittany and Phillip. Sadie loves them, but she does not love them as much as she loves mommy.

Sadie loves mommy

Sadie was a ballerina for Halloween

Sadie is so cute in a tutu!

-Sadie loves mommy

Sadie is sleepy...sadie loves mommy!

Friday, December 14, 2007

A Birthday Message from Sadie to Mommy

Sadie loves mommy!

Happy Birthday Mommy! Sadie loves you. Sadie glad you take her for walks and sleeps with her. Sadie loves teh toys she gets to chews up that you gives to her. Sadie sorry she pooped all over the carpet - Sadie couldn't hold it any longer.

Sadie is lucky dog to have Melissa as her mommy - Mommy loves Sadie with almost a frightening intensity. Sadie sometimes gets confused if she was birthed by dog or by mommy. Sadie doesn't mind though. She try to sit like Mommy on couch.

Happy birthday mommy - Sadie hopes daddy marries you soon so she no longer feel like a bastard child.

Sadie loves mommy.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Sadie is concerned about global warming. It is an Inconvenient Truth even for dogs. Global Warming is the latest Hollywood cause - spurned by celebrities' publicity agents' desire to have their clients look like concerned and charitable individuals. Every time you see a celebrity nowadays they inadvertently blurt out "Green!" and then go running away, possibly giggling. Often time they'll drive their diesel Hummers to an Avis, rent a Prius, and drive it to the latest award show in an effort to look environmentally-conscious.

Post award show (which uses upwards of millions of watts to light the event), the celebrities travel to the various award show after parties (which, again, use a lot of energy and other resources). Once the festivities die down, the celebs go home to their 10,000 sqft + homes and find time to relax. All alone (or with possibly one adopted child) in a monster of a house.

Now, while the holes in that logic maybe be larger and more abundant than the plot of the Sandra Bullock thriller Premonition, Sadie is not concerned by them.

What Sadie is concerned about is getting a burned bum. With all this talk, she only imagines things getting hotter. And with the almost zealous fervor that celebrities and media personalities declare the impending doom of all existence because of Global Warming, all Sadie can imagine is the entire world bursting into flames and burning to the core.

Which equals burnt bum.

Have you ever sat bare-assed on the sidewalk on an August Arizona day? Ouch. Burnt bum.

So please, people everywhere, calm the hell down. You're scaring a dog. Dogs don't want to have to prance around in fear, always squatting, never sitting, for fear of a scorched ass. If Global Warming concerns you - live like it (if there's only one of you, buy a damn condo not a mansion - think!). Approach life rationally, not like kamikaze crusading for a lost cause. You win more people with sugar than a fiery rear.

For Sadie's sake, people, it's Christmas. May the season of rationality begin!

...because Sadie loves mommy!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Results are in for the PDP (Personal Doggie Plan) Year 1

This is where I say I've had enough
No one should ever feel the way I feel now
A walking, open wound
A choking display of bruises
And this is about as simple as I get now

Ahh... nothing starts a new post better than random, seemingly "poetic" lyrics from a band (that no one can probably pinpoint). I think I should credit it to Bob Dylan, just to feel more "artistic." ... But let's be honest - it's Dashboard Confessional (back when they were acoustic, emo, and good).

So, onto the world of Sadie (which is quickly digressing into the "Let Tony expunge whatever he feels like rambling about" blog). Today Sadie was privy to the results of her annual review. See, in pet world, little do the owners know, annually, every pet must go through an evaluation process. The rigorous process is designed for the pets to be evaluated by their peers, superiors, and, ultimately, themselves. In an effort to focus of life progression, animals are then reviewed one on one with their owners to talk about their strengths and areas for improvement.

Over the past three months, the length of time the review process took, Sadie has been graded on all areas of her work. Barking, Pooping, Chewing stuff up, Humping inanimate objects, Drooling, Licking, Sniffing personal areas of strangers and visitors alike - etc. All in all, Sadie was given a "Meets Expectations" in all areas but "Farting when company is over" where she scored an "Exceeds Expectations."

After an in-depth personal review (a One-on-one) with Mommy and Daddy (who, auspiciously aren't married - but I don't believe the term "bastard" is applied the same in the pet kingdom - the bearing and rearing of children out of wedlock (or holy matrimony, if you will) in the animal community is an accepted and welcomed practice), Sadie received a raise in her "chewing shit up" allowance and a longer daily walk. The specific details of her overall increase in DLSP (Doggie-Lovin, Sweet Perks) is confidential and private. It is not something Sadie should discuss, nor does she need to be asked about. We appreciate your courtesy in this manner.

A big congratulations to Sadie for passing her first year as a dog!

Awww..... Sadie loves mommy!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

"If it is a first offense, you ground them and have a talk. The second offense would call for counseling." - Alan Thicke

Oooohhh. As long as we got each other
We got the world spinnin right in our hands.
Baby you and me, we gotta be
The luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin’

On safari, in the small African province of Z'mbi'tok'a'eia (vowels and apostrophes are new to their language), I encountered a small tribe of Z'mbi'men whose central worship figure was the great, Hungarian sperm whale. And while I was amazed at their adherence to a non-anthropomorphic deity in this day and age, what really shocked me was their obsession over 80s TV star Alan Thicke. As I approached their village, I could hear a faint beating of the drums to the tune of the Growing Pains theme song.

These people had built a religion around Doctor Jason Seaver. The children were dressed in the cardigan sweaters and frumpy skirts of Kirk Cameron and Tracey Gold. Wholesome family messages were doled out at random - with the accompany tribesman standing around "awww"ing in faux audience reaction.

Sadly, their religion came to a crashing halt when Raising Helen came out. Apparently, in this culture, while Alan Thicke is revered, the obnoxious John Corbett is the equivalent of the devil. Having the two of them in one movie (add in Amber Valetta who nearly destroyed the country with her appearance in the "we do not speak of this movie" Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story) was too much, and the economic stability of the country collapsed and the country fell into a massive depression (which is stayed in until last year when it was revived with the growing "adopt a child from Africa" craze that so plagues Hollywood).

You might ask: What does this very long digression about Alan Thicke and Del Leppard have to do with Sadie? I would ask the same thing if I were you. The answer is: nothing.

See, there are times in our lives when we are touched by certain events (the Alan Thicke-ites) that seemingly have nothing to do with the touchstones of our existence (Sadie), and yet, we can't help but find parallels in their stories (and thus learn valuable lessons).

Parallel: Alan Thicke led a generation with morals and values. Sadie, is a dog.
Parallel: Kirk Cameron went on to star in the craptastic Left Behind movies. Sadie would not be left behind if the Rapture happened.
Parallel: The "rapture" makes me laugh. Sadie makes me laugh.

See, now haven't we all learned a valuable lesson?

.....and Sadie loves mommy!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Welcome to Sadie Loves Mommy!!

Welcome to Sadie Loves Mommy!!

The only blog found on this wide wide world of the 'net where you can find up to the second information on Sadie Munro-Clark - the dog with the world's best sense of grammar! Please check back in periodically for tales of Sadie bravery and courage (along with cooking tips from Lisa Marie Presley).

As many of you know, Sadie was born an Asian child in the far reaching mountains of Romania in 1246 A.D. After living out her first life (more in another blog), Sadie experienced four other lifetimes before returning in her latest reincarnation - a Pit Bull-Lab mix (now referred to as a Plab) in Snowy Salt Lake City, UT.

Residing with her mommy - Sadie enojys chewing on everything (especially ducks), snuggling with visitors (that's you, Boo), and the occasional (constant) passing of gas. Bless her aged and wise heart.

Sadie, welcome to the web - we love you and are more than ecstatic that you have come to Earth (again) to join our family. We love to serve and serve to love thee. The honor of posting your many exciting pictures and tales is more than enough for us humble peasants.


Sadie loves mommy.